I now run, yes, me a runner!! My friends who know I run practically laughed in my face when they found out. I was never a runner in school and used to walk during cross country. I love it though, I can clear my mind, listen to a podcast or audiobook without interruptions and just be me for a little bit.
I'm also a lot better mental health wise. It took a long time, but I got the help I needed and am back on track.
Nothing much else is going on. Baby is now a toddler causing havoc and wrapping himself round mine and his daddy's little finger (and everyone else) but I am so proud of him and he makes me laugh every day which I'm super happy about. I've gone back to work, for a company I wish I'd never left now but I'm very grateful they took me back and I'm working on proving I can do the job to them and myself. It's tiring, but I wouldn't have my life any other way - well except to have more money, more sleep, a smaller bum and tum and be able to eat cake for breakfast but baby steps.
Written September 2016.......
First of all THANK YOU!! Thank you to anyone who took the time to just read my blog, to the ones who commented or messaged me to say how it reminded them of how they felt and that I might feel lonely in this battle but I am most certainly not alone! So thank you. I cannot say it enough, I cannot say how much your messages meant or how they helped me as it is quite frankly indescribable.
I did not write the blog to get the response I did, I wrote it as it was the only way I thought I could articulate how I was feeling. I was never going to actually publish it but once I did, I felt a massive weight off my shoulders and my head cleared. Just a little, but it helped.
I am not 100%, who knows how long it will be until I am, but I am positive with the family and friends that I already had, and those I've reconnected with, that I will get to 100%.
Mini side note: I have been to the Dr's, I wasn't in long as she totally understood and gave me the number for a counselling service. Next step. Pluck up the courage to ring them.
I've decided to re-ignite my blog, I think my writing is a massive part of my 'healing process' and as long as people will read, I will continue to write. To be honest, I'll still write even if no-one does read it so there's no pressure.
As well as being a full time mummy, I am also a part-time student. I am studying History with the Open University and on Monday, I have my very first exam in nearly, wait, 10 years?! Flip, that is ages ago. Anyway, I have an exam on Monday, it is 3 hours long! 3 hours! How am I going to write for 3 hours, and yes I have to write with a pen, not my computer. It's soooo long since I wrote for that length of time, I've actually had to practise writing for that long so I don't get cramp. I had to try and print off my exam notification, this is what happened.
1) try and print it
2) realise I have a new computer and have moved house so printer will not be set up
3) go into my study and try and set it up, spend 15 minutes trying to find a cable I already had in my hand.
4) set up printer, it works!
5) realise I have no paper so I can't bloody print anything anyway
6) get a glass of wine
I've also realised today that not only has my passport expired, so has my driving license. I try to renew my license to be told the website is down until Monday morning and I need some valid ID for this exam on Monday morning. Fantastic! I've emailed my tutor and she thinks I'll be fine, as long as I can get to the OU office with my ID once I have it. Why is it always me?
I think other than my ID issue, I'm prepared. At the end of the day, I can only do my best. I know already how proud my family are and how proud I am of myself, that I've stuck with the last 2 modules even though I haven't found them as exciting as I hoped or really enjoyed some of the chapters of the books. Its a good job I have found a lovely group of people on facebook who can help and support me, make me laugh and give me inspiration to carry on, even when I really can't be bothered doing an essay or some revision. Thanks you guys!
As soon as I get this exam out the way, I can concentrate on my next module which is fully about history, not only that but it's mostly about my favourite part of history! It's very exciting, but I'm going to be ridiculously busy looking after little dude in the day and then studying, tidying and generally being a 'normal' person once he's in bed. I am very lucky to have a supportive family and partner who will have little dude for me if I ask them too.
I currently have no idea how I'll juggle everything, but since having baby, I have become so organised for future events (not ones happening in the immediate future, that's too much to ask for) so I have already planned my study calendar and worked out a timetable. Let's see if I stick to it though!
I've decided to re-ignite my blog, I think my writing is a massive part of my 'healing process' and as long as people will read, I will continue to write. To be honest, I'll still write even if no-one does read it so there's no pressure.
As well as being a full time mummy, I am also a part-time student. I am studying History with the Open University and on Monday, I have my very first exam in nearly, wait, 10 years?! Flip, that is ages ago. Anyway, I have an exam on Monday, it is 3 hours long! 3 hours! How am I going to write for 3 hours, and yes I have to write with a pen, not my computer. It's soooo long since I wrote for that length of time, I've actually had to practise writing for that long so I don't get cramp. I had to try and print off my exam notification, this is what happened.
1) try and print it
2) realise I have a new computer and have moved house so printer will not be set up
3) go into my study and try and set it up, spend 15 minutes trying to find a cable I already had in my hand.
4) set up printer, it works!
5) realise I have no paper so I can't bloody print anything anyway
6) get a glass of wine
I've also realised today that not only has my passport expired, so has my driving license. I try to renew my license to be told the website is down until Monday morning and I need some valid ID for this exam on Monday morning. Fantastic! I've emailed my tutor and she thinks I'll be fine, as long as I can get to the OU office with my ID once I have it. Why is it always me?
I think other than my ID issue, I'm prepared. At the end of the day, I can only do my best. I know already how proud my family are and how proud I am of myself, that I've stuck with the last 2 modules even though I haven't found them as exciting as I hoped or really enjoyed some of the chapters of the books. Its a good job I have found a lovely group of people on facebook who can help and support me, make me laugh and give me inspiration to carry on, even when I really can't be bothered doing an essay or some revision. Thanks you guys!
As soon as I get this exam out the way, I can concentrate on my next module which is fully about history, not only that but it's mostly about my favourite part of history! It's very exciting, but I'm going to be ridiculously busy looking after little dude in the day and then studying, tidying and generally being a 'normal' person once he's in bed. I am very lucky to have a supportive family and partner who will have little dude for me if I ask them too.
I currently have no idea how I'll juggle everything, but since having baby, I have become so organised for future events (not ones happening in the immediate future, that's too much to ask for) so I have already planned my study calendar and worked out a timetable. Let's see if I stick to it though!
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